


I Think I'm Ready

by fromthechaos



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/F, Fluff. Cute sleeping babies fluff, Maybe - Freeform, five seconds of angst where Pregnant!JJ angsts over being fat., no joke. There's maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-21
Updated: 2008-09-21
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromthechaos/pseuds/fromthechaos
Summary: Songfic for Katy Perry's song "I Think I'm Ready" JJ decides that she's ready to be loved properly.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in my head since I got Katy's CD the other day. It screamed JJ/Will-->JJ/Emily to me. Forgive me if there are any missing D's that we missed, my keyboard is having a serious d-dysfunction.
> 
> Originally posted on my LJ Community on September 21, 2008

_I'm used to opening my own doors and splitting the checks_  
_He introduced me, was always just a friend_  
 _I bought a new dress, he never noticed_

William LaMontagne, Jr. The name sat in her mouth like a stale piece of gum that had lost its flavor. At first, there was intrigue; there was the secret thrill of sneaking off to New Orleans. Then she started realizing that even though Will pushed her to be his “girlfriend” and to tell her team about their relationship and to meet his momma… he never held her hand in public, he never kissed her goodnight at her hotel unless it was a means to an end that left her feeling filthy and used. He wanted his prize and sure as a lucky stroke at the grab machine in an arcade, he’d won his little rag-doll. She could feel herself wearing down, her emotions straining, her friendship with Emily becoming uneasy and that made her feel almost as sick as the bad airport hot dog that she revisited on the flight back to Dulles International Airport.

 _Always falling for these bad boys, such a challenge_  
_I'm getting tired, of cleaning up after them_  
 _I think I'm ready to be a woman_

She wasn’t entirely sure why she fell for Will in the first place. Sure, he was fun to look at… he had beautiful eyes… but his accent annoyed her like nails on a fresh coat of car paint, the way he drawled her name, “Jayy-Jay,” or how it generally sounded as if he’d gone a few bouts in the ring and thrown back a few whiskeys before he spoke. Or how, despite his lack of public affection, he still felt the need to treat her as if she were helpless. As if she couldn’t lift her own suitcase or avoid the predatory eyes of a drunken man at Will’s favorite bar in the French Quarter… or make her own decisions. He had a passive sort of temper that always felt like a sucker punch to her emotions whenever something didn’t go his way, a never-ending barrage of guilt trips. “You didn’t come to momma’s spaghetti dinner last night, she missed you something awful,” because the fact that she felt sick wasn’t good enough; “Why, are you ashamed of me?” because clearly, her privacy didn’t matter at all when she already got so little; “I’ve asked her to marry me,” clearly implying his distaste at her lack of answer. She knew her answer. She just didn’t want to hear a fresh guilt trip when she had to say it out loud.

_Oh love, I think I'm ready_   
_Ready for it_   
_You were such a surprise_   
_An unexpected gift_

When she heard the call, _“Agents down,”_ come across her radio, her heart leapt into her throat. She slammed the door before Will even had a chance to let go of it, peeling away from the curb, the only thought in her head that it couldn’t be Emily. It couldn’t. She slammed on her brakes for a red light and stared ahead, as if looking at a ghost. Emily… unbidden memories trickled into her thoughts of their girls’ nights out, lingering touches that she’d never thought twice about before then. Her heart was racing and a horn snapped her out of her reverie, she hadn’t even realized the light was green. She peeled away again, heading to the cross streets mentioned over the radio, the corner just outside of the Bureau’s New York Headquarters. When she pulled up to the smoldering wreckage and saw Emily running around the corner, her expression confused and terrified, she let out a shaky breath before raking her eyes across the carnage. Hotch, face littered with cuts from shrapnel was kneeling desperately over Agent Joyner, cradling her head as he screamed for one of the dumbstruck EMTs to get her to the hospital. Morgan tried helplessly to pull Hotch away, to try and calm him down, but their usually stoic rock of a leader was frozen in place, his bloody fingers cradling the fallen agent’s head. An arm wrapped around her shoulder and when she looked up and saw that the arm as Emily’s, she leaned instinctively into the embrace. Everything was hitting her so fast… moments before, she’d explained to Will that she just couldn’t do this whole crawfish cookin’ southern momma with a baby on her hip thing… that she wanted to take some time to herself but that he’s still welcome in the baby’s life. And now she was watching one of the pillars of fortitude on their team crumble like a confused child, weak and visceral. She was watching the life leave an agent she’d just been in a briefing with—an agent that could have easily been Emily.

 _Said I was pretty, and I believed it_  
_Not really used to all this attention_  
 _Told myself I don't deserve you_  
 _And this is just a phase_  
 _Could I get used to, being loved the right way?_  
 _I wanna argue, but there is nothing to say_

It was the first girls’ night out since New York and Garcia was making off-color comments about getting drunk and lucky. JJ nodded and laughed, watching Garcia make her way over to the bar to order their drinks. Emily placed her hand on JJ’s and the blonde shivered. She wasn’t expecting the words to come out of Emily’s mouth, for her to say that JJ had never looked so beautiful and she could feel the blush spreading over her cheeks. The dynamic had changed in New York when, through tears, she admitted to Emily that she was so scared that she would lose her, that it made JJ’s heart stop and race at the same time at the mere thought of it. Emily had cradled her head against her chest, fingers tangled in blonde hair, admitting with a sigh that the same thoughts had run through her head and that she was relieved, sick as it made her feel to say it, when she saw that it wasn’t her, it wasn’t her JJ that Hotch was kneeling over. When she felt the tears splashing her hair, JJ pulled back and whispered softly, “I ended it with Will… I…” but the rest of her words never came because Emily’s mouth was pressed against hers. And now here, in this bar, JJ couldn’t shake the feeling that she was on a date with Emily and Garcia was merely their chaperone. JJ smiled as Emily tangled their fingers together and squeezed gently, seeing the doubt and the fear in JJ’s eyes, reassuring her without words that it was real, she was here, and she wasn’t going to let JJ go as long as she’d have her.

 _Cuz you send me flowers, when there's no occasion_  
_Yeah we talk for hours, you still wanna listen_  
 _Won't hold it against me if I just need you to hold me tonight_

As the months flew by, Emily held JJ’s hand through pre-natal appointments, held her hair back through morning sickness, held her tongue as hormonal mood swings revealed the claws that JJ would otherwise never dare bare to Emily. Instead, when JJ showed up to work well into her sixth month, she found a bouquet of flowers where her files filled with the corpses du jour ought to sit. The card simply read _“I don’t think you’re fat, Jennifer. In fact, I would kiss your beautiful belly all day if I could. It just means that we have a healthy little girl in there. Love, Em.”_ She bawled for a good half an hour until Hotch came in with her files and offered her a tissue. Unlike Will, Emily always introduced JJ as her beautiful girlfriend, kissed her cheek before they got out of the car at work, held her with an arm around her waist as they shopped for an ever expanding maternity wardrobe. Emily would lay for hours, tracing invisible patterns on JJ’s swollen stomach with her fingers, listening to JJ complain about her swollen ankles, her sore back, her bladder that must have shrunken to the size of a pea as their baby girl grew day by day. She never had ulterior motives, she never pushed and she never gave her guilt trips unless it was to take her vitamin every morning. And that was a guilt trip JJ could live with.

 

_My mother always told me that you'd show up one day  
So scared to feel this way but love, I think I'm ready_

JJ walked into the nursery and smiled, seeing Emily in the rocking chair with Isabella in her arms, both sound asleep. When she was a little girl, her mother had rocked her to sleep in that same chair with stories about her knight in shining armor who would sweep her off her feet. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she smiled. She’d never imagined her knight would occasionally wear Kevlar instead of plate armor or that her knight would be a tall, strong, beautiful woman who loved her more than any man in her life had. JJ lifted Bella, who fussed a bit before settling against her mother’s chest. Emily’s eyes opened slowly, feeling the weight lifted from her chest, and she smiled. “Are you ready to go to bed, sweetie?”

JJ smiled and nodded, laying Bella down in the crib gently. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

{ _fin_ }


End file.
